Lungs


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He’s always slept within my chest
And I swear he knows the symmetry of my lungs better than I
So how
Can you
Expect
Me
To
Breathe?
 
I can’t remember the last time I never felt
Him
Clawing at my insides
And I don’t remember when I didn’t feel the room closing in
Walls pulling in
Chest heaving
Like no marathon could ever accomplish
He steals all my oxygen
Taking two large hands
Wrapping them around my lungs
And pushing
 
Two lovers could never cover the distance to one another
The way my lungs do
 
Remind me
What it feels like to voice out opinions
Celebrate with strangers
Putting all insecurities aside
Tell me
Does your brain
Take the backseat
And let you drive
With no
Destination
In
Mind?
 
Teach me
How
Not
To
Wake
Up
At
Night
Staring
Into the dark
Allowing the eyes to adjust to the loneliness that is this life
Because it’s just easier to feel safer in the warmth of my own arms then to spread them for someone else
 
I know not how not to feel this way
And no amount of breathing exercises
Or the rhythm from
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Can slow this erratic heart
 
I want the fun wrapped inside outgoing
And the hurt in opening up
I want the power to light up the room like no bulb ever possessed the courage to
And break away the barriers that cement themselves stronger everyday
 
These conversations lose eye contact
With voices so low and afraid
And hands shaking and bathing in the sweat of the unsure
 
This mind runs on fuel that never ends
Thoughts going a thousand miles per second
Analysis over analysis over analysis
 
I wish the crowds did not suffocate me
That public places did not scare me
And that the future does not eradicate me.
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