At Odds

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In the fervor of yesterday…We.Are.At.Odds.

I haven’t quite understood why. All i know is that rage speaks louder than a bomb. Courses through my veins. And all i see. All i want to see is RED.

She hurt me.

Pain so permanent, like the ink on my skin.

Broke my bones in an alley fight.

Left me there to die.

He made me cry.

Never before have i so.

My mascara flowed down my face.

Tears black, just as he prophesied.

Her heart is black.

Like lungs damaged beyond repair.

Decayed.

Rotting away.

He called me out on my secrets.

Reserved only for his ears.

He said he wouldn’t pass judgement.

Guess, i was just stupid.

Her smile.

Brought a smile to my face.

Filled up the whole room, cliche shit.

I hated that about her.

His hugs were warm.

Boiler room warm.

Peel away your skin hot.

I didn’t enjoy them.

She has a slight lisp.

It made me look at her lips.

Annoyed me, all the time.

She thought i wanted to kiss.

He craved my kisses.

All the time.

His eyes always found them.

It was like everything was purely physical.

I knew she would pull a stunt like that.

She wants remorse.

She wants pity.

Claiming i cheated.

Of course, he cheated.

I always have to clear up.

They always have a hard time accepting it.

Golden boy, and all.

Shit, she looks hot.

Even though i have the hottest girl on my arms.

My eyes don’t leave hers.

She knows and she has the smirk to prove it.

I slapped her.

She had no right to be on his arms like that.

That space is solely reserved for me.

God, why won’t he just man up and grovel.

Oh, she’s going to prom with him.

Idiot.

He won’t even know what hit him.

When i beat his face in.

I knew it.

He was jealous.

My ex-date has the black eye to prove it.

I knew it all along.

She’s mine.

And she’s doing that smile thing again.

Seriously, i hate it.

I whisper in her ear.

I only smile more.

Pull him closer to me.

As we dance.

Yeah, this is ‘our’ new song.

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When they purposely push your buttons

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I like to think I am a peace loving person. I have the peace signs and everything. But then again I have been in my fair share of fights and while I was only standing my ground then and believing in what I thought right, I can’t not say that I didn’t receive any battle scars. That I didn’t come out unscathed. Because it won’t be true.

So, in the middle of the year I made myself a resolution, no matter how far New Year’s Eve was, and promised myself that I would stay clear of fights like it were the plague. And so far, it’s been going great.

Like I said, so far. But recently it’s been proving quite difficult. Want to know why? Because they are purposely pushing my buttons. Banging on the door of my anger and telling them to wake up from their hibernation. And yes, it grumbles and growls like an angry bear disturbed from his sleep and I’m not doing a pretty good job at keeping it at bay.

Now, it isn’t those enemies that provoke me. Nope. It’s those close to me. They tend to overlook the fact that I too am a human with feelings, just like them. If it’s not okay for them to get hurt and not okay for someone to be rude and mean to them, then it needs to apply to me too. I guess I am partly to blame for this behaviour. I think when I took on my peace stance I started to overlook such behaviour, when it was to a minimum mind you, and I guess I gave them the leeway to be this way with me. You know what they say, if they’re rude to you today who says they won’t be tomorrow. (Now I don’t know who says that, but I’ve only ever heard one person say that to me.)

Okay, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Maybe they were having an off day. Yeah, it’s completely fine to take out your frustrations and anger on those close to you! I may be a punching bag, as it seems, but at some point I’m going to start fraying where your fist meets me. Then, it’s completely okay to go about nothing happened a few minutes later. NO IT’S NOT! I NEED for you to apologize and mean it. Like I said, I’m fraying. Do NOT assume that just because we’re close that I’m going to take all of this. Yes, I have in the past but you really are waking a sleeping animal. There will come a point where I will stop caring about you and everything we had will start fading away. It’s already getting blurry on the edges.

I did keep my anger at bay. Yes, I was seething and I wanted to give them a piece of my mind. But I didn’t. I just ignored. I will ignore them till I feel like. Till I can get over this and toss the anger out. At least the majority of it. I was hurt. Still am. But if they think that they can hurt over things that you can’t even get hurt over, then so can I.

Stop purposely pushing my buttons so that I fight with you. Stop trying to provoke me.