Remember

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When I wake tomorrow

I won’t remember

The way you smiled

At the sight of me

Or the sound of your laughter

When I stumbled

With two left feet

But I want to remember

The way your hands felt in mine

Perfectly entwined

Cold and warm

Fire and ice

Drawn to each other

No matter what

The smell of soap and you

Lingers with me

But

For how long?

Before I start to forget

How warm your hugs felt

Against the cool sea breeze

What about the sand between my toes?

Or the sprays of salty water on my face?

Your kiss was sweet

Like raspberries, blueberries, blackberries

Like succulent strawberries

With every bite

Juice escaped my mouth and flowed down my chin

When we danced

To our own melody

And our own moves

I never want to forget

How in synch we were

And our bodies fit perfectly

Without fault

And all I wanted was to be closer

And all you wanted to be was closer

Under the pinpricks we called dreams

That lit the night sky

We pointed out our fears

In whispers

Only for our hearts to hear

And I remember

How your breathing leveled

And I tried to match every movement

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

Till I was sure we were breathing the same air

And as the sun peaks through the clouds

I squint

Try and shield my eyes

I don’t want to forget

What I wasn’t supposed to forget

Yet here I am alone

Wondering what I was supposed to remember

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They pack up and go.

Lav•en•der

Everyone tends to leave me. They pack up and go. A solemn goodbye is all I get.

Part of me wonders each time if a curse has been placed on me. It starts off with finding this amazing person, realizing that both of you are on the same boat and becoming the best of friends. Only as it happens, they leave to write the next chapter of their life somewhere else, somewhere far from you and all you end up doing is shedding a few tears of sadness over losing them and wishing them good luck.

Social media no longer helps.

At first we make promises of never losing touch with one another. A promise that remains etched onto our skin like a tattoo, one we intend to fully fulfill. Only life catches up and sure enough excuses become more visible than ‘hellos’ and ‘how are yous?’ And from talking every day we move to talking only on the weekends till we’re left leaving a wall post on their birthday. Inboxes remain empty because there is a hesitation within you that stops your fingers from collaborating an intricate piece of reminiscing and catching up.

Our friendship was like a symphony that flowed naturally without disturbance. So how did it lose sound over time? I wish I could stop you from leaving. Press pause or just tear out that chapter that requires for you to leave.

Eventually, life resumes its usual course and you learn to sidestep those memorable moments and places for sometime till they stop hurting and you become consumed in your own life once again. Your hesitation of how you will continue without them, no longer exists.

Travelling together.

Spending important moments together.

Wedding.

I tend to imagine everything tenfold. But alas, circumstances always catch up and just as quickly the future no longer seems on our side.

I wish everything didn’t seem like a distant dream or a single wish that my heart makes even though it knows it’s all far-fetched.

I no longer hold the key to our friendship and I’m afraid neither do you. But a part of me will always hope against it all that even when we meet, whenever that may be, things are just the way we left them.

I pray that distance really does make the heart grow fonder.

Dear Friend, We Lost

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Want to know the truth?

We are the fading ink on

Old, yellowing, wrinkled paper.

The empty pen that needs to be disposed.

We are the morning breeze;

Cool and refreshing,

Only to get a taste of the scorching sun

And become warm.

Our reality only exists because of

A few powerful, unforgettable memories.

And I have come to learn that

Sometimes we just need the flame

To flicker one last time and finally die down.

Because we are tired of the heat that burns us

Every time we cup our hands to preserve it.

And like a light bulb on the verge of becoming useless

Fighting in those last moments

For a little more time

We know in the end another will take its place

That bulb, tossed away

Will be the only proof of our existence.

I had hoped our bonds would be

Eternal and forever lasting;

Strong against the hurricanes

Threatening to destroy us

And the envious looks that

Silently jinx our very structure.

But I think they’ve succeeded

And we’ve started disintegrating

From the inside.

Cracks in the foundation became visible to all,

But we are blind.

Small arguments became full blown fights

And silence became

Our companion on those rough nights.

Our hearts ached for each other’s company,

But our egos stood in the way.

Here, I thought we could withstand

The broad chested wolf with burning lungs, ready to exhale his destructive breath upon us.

Build a house of bricks that

Stood strong against every blow.

Only our house, I found, consisted of straw.

And we were vulnerable from the start.

Dear Friend, we lost.

Forgotten

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It’s time to move on. Time to accept and let go. Time to forget.

Only, it’s not that easy.

Carefully I place it with all the old stuff. Fold the box close and seal it. Once. Twice. Thrice. So that not even the smallest of things peek out. Not even a fleck of dust enters.

It’s old. Has always been. But the fire has been alight all these years. Until now.

The wheels had been working extra hard. Turning extra fast. I was more adamant. Even more on fire. Alicia Keys couldn’t have said it better: She’s just a girl, and she’s on fire
Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway
She’s living in a world, and it’s on fire
Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away But in the end nothing worked. One second it was hot and the next it was cold. Gone.

The musty smell gives me comfort. The cold keeps me warm. My legs will keep me standing and hands will keep me close.

Dust is in the air. Light peeks in through a crack in the window. And guides me across the room. Glitter swims before my eyes. Particles of forgotten things. Clothes, books, tables, chairs…dreams. The box is heavy in my hands. I’m losing feeling in my arms from the weight in my hands. They falter and shake. White to the core from the pressure. All circulation lost. Just as well. Time to say goodbye. Time to move on.