Vacuum

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Don’t tell me God doesn’t weep;
these fallen stars
Are witness
to tears shed
and your wish upon a shoot-ing star
remains in vain

Hopes and dreams and desires
you vacuum,
these stars
are nothing more than flecks
of dust, littered across the night sky
that you no longer recall

This velvet suffocates-
No fairy dust to light the way
each constellation
a hindrance in the philosophy
of existence-
we no longer wish
to understand.

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Chasing Dreams for Dummies

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There is a belief that I stand by,
that there is something waiting at the end of the line.
All these tests and tribulations can’t be for nothing.
The belief that even though what appears to be the end of the road, shouldn’t be. I haven’t finished running this race, even though often enough my lungs give out and the air foreign to my tastes, but still. I want to stand firm in my belief that there is something else waiting for you.

The sea never stops lapping at the shore even though each time the pull is stronger, a reminder that the comfort it yearns for is always yanked from its fingertips. And yet, it keeps coming back like a lover that can never seem to understand the word ‘no’ because his heart is no longer his.

I want to believe that good things come to those who wait and that patience isn’t solely a virtue rather a gift that sets us apart from the rest because we refuse to give up knowing well that the milk will always come to boil.

I remember anxiety and hope. Complete opposites yet always together. The heart never forgot to crave the sun after the storm.

And I don’t want to believe that God forgot to set out an adventure for me. I refuse to believe that he didn’t plan for my greatness. And I pray that He still believes in me and has something wonderful in store for me. Something I could never even imagine for myself. Something that brings me pure joy. Something that leaves me successful and prospering in this life.

I’m starting to think the art of chasing dreams should come with a manual – ‘Chasing Dreams for Dummies’.

Tucking 20 under the belt

To think that I started this blog when I was 17 and now a 104 posts later I am 20.

Yesterday, I turned 20. I am officially straddling the neither a teen nor an adult intersection. One foot firmly planted in 19 and the other slowly inching towards 21.

And when my phone blew up with ‘Happy Birthday to you in that sultry Marilyn Monroe voice (yes, I was trying to be ironic) at 00:02 I was happy. Birthdays always make me happy and then when through squeals and big smiles my friend asked me if I felt old I didn’t know an appropriate answer to that question. In all honesty it was only 4 mins into my birthday and the number hadn’t quite branded itself onto my skin. Still, I don’t quite know if I will ever have an answer to that question. Maybe when I’m old enough to shy away my age that would probably be the time I’ll be able to say, ‘Yes, I officially feel old.’ All I can say right now though, is that maybe I’m a bit wiser and maybe I’m not.

I’m not going to start belting out ‘G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S in my best Fergie voice but I feel it. I do. Like my body is making room for a year of interesting things. Like things might actually come together and there is a power surging through my bones that’s making my heart beat just a little bit faster and my fingers tingle as I type this out. As cheesy and cliché as it sounds, there is something different in the air today. Like a jolt of electricity that, in true cartoon form, shakes you all over.

And I’m ready. There is this new hope burning through me and a sense of invincibility that’s giving me a power I thought could never be mine. This time around life is going to be different. This time around life is looking optimistic. This time around I am ready for whatever life decides to throw towards me.

Maybe this is what I needed.

Maybe this is exactly what I needed.

Animation: Loek Vugs

hope

“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”
― Margaret Mitchell

Yeah, it happened. And I wasn’t expecting it. It brought out something in me that I didn’t know existed. I mean, sure I was depressed for the whole afternoon. Cried myself to sleep and when I finally woke up I didn’t even bother getting out of bed. I reflected. And reflected. But when my eyes began to water again, I shot out of bed. No! I wasn’t going to wallow in self-pity. I had to get a move on. There was a time for tears and a time for reflect. But now it was time to move.

It was at that point that I decided, instead of just getting depressed over the situation I could get a move on and try to fix things. Sure, it was a huge setback. But somewhere deep down inside of me I knew that it was a hole I could definitely climb out of, no matter how deep it might be.

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…”
― Alfred Tennyson