Vacuum

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Don’t tell me God doesn’t weep;
these fallen stars
Are witness
to tears shed
and your wish upon a shoot-ing star
remains in vain

Hopes and dreams and desires
you vacuum,
these stars
are nothing more than flecks
of dust, littered across the night sky
that you no longer recall

This velvet suffocates-
No fairy dust to light the way
each constellation
a hindrance in the philosophy
of existence-
we no longer wish
to understand.

Pressed

There were moments in our life where we wanted to play God,
And we pressed flowers into books
Preserving, making the mortal immortal
Only to feel powerful in a world
That continued to take us apart,
One petal at a time.

She Burns Lavender Incense

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She burns lavender incense
To fill her lungs with silent hope
They said it would help,
Help her remember
Bring back memories
Clear her thoughts so jumbled
Like hair knotted together over years of ignorance
and her fingers will try to do the job
Combing, combing, combing
Unsuccessfully, painfully;

That’s what her life has become
Lavender incense in the morning,
In the afternoon,
In the evening
All in the solemn hope of rectifying
A past so jumbled,
Navigating turns into claustrophobia.

Poison

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They say I’m filled with poison
That,
Blood never flowed through me
And instead of crimson
I bleed,
Blue and green and yellow

Remind me,
How it is I
Who spreads toxins
That make breathing
In your presence difficulty, that
Fighting for air
In a world
Submerged in water-
Not knowing how to swim

Remind me,
How my negativity
Trumped yours
Infecting one organ
And then latching onto the rest
Till the only solution
Is death
And maybe Snow White
Isn’t simply a fairytale
But the bitter truth laced
Within an apple so red
It can only be considered evil

Remind me,
How I started wars
Where losing a limb
Or two
Became second nature
And lives were protected
By eradicating and exterminating
Like rodents
They supplied
To us temptation
Wrapped in a red bow

Remind me,
When it became okay
To inject venom
In bloodstreams
Turning brother against brother
Giving a new meaning to
Blood is thicker than water

Remind me
How this poison
Became our elixir
To a life well lived
With a dial that never stopped spinning
And I swear we craved it
Like Icarus
We flew too close

So,
Maybe-
Yes, I am filled with poison
Maybe-
No, definitely we all are
Because our houses
Wave a flag
Adorned with a skull and bones
And poison may just be our reality.

Travel

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And in that moment she started tucking money
In jars containing wishes she made as a child
So that one day,
She could skip through streets of foreign lands
Swoon in ecstasy at the sight of food
Get drunk on the smell of something new
These feet were meant to wear
Under all that the world had to offer

She wanted to bathe in Cleopatra’s sins,
Mount Napoleon’s horse,
See Shakespeare in action,
And sway to Tchaikovsky

Because 80 days were clearly not adequate
When it came to truly seeing the world.

Allow my shoulders to hunch

 Allow my shoulders to hunch
For the world weighs too much
And they’ll scoff,
Try to quantify
As if worries
Can be put on a to scale
And attached to digits
Worth more than all our beings combined
Could ever hope to accomplish

She can use my shoulder
for streams
that never knew how to stop flowing
and yet, they’ll try to box them up
Follow along the bank
to the source
only to misdiagnose
Based on a truth only they believe

Still these bones will carry on
Creaking and groaning and hurting
and her head will sway like a pendulum
not knowing when or how to stop
till a hand
Can support
Based not on what he knows
Rather what he comes to understand
When eyes appear hollow
And the face alight.

How to make the perfect night sky

Drop the sun in velvet, so thick
Stir till no gold remains
The black should be inky, murky, cold
Toss in the moon
Mix in slumber, to taste
Sprinkle in dreams and wishes and hopes
To your heart’s content
Puree different lullabies, add
Slice up navigation charts and myths
And drop in
Stir counterclockwise-
Anticlockwise,
Till only a kaleidoscope remains

Pour out and serve
But don’t forget to garnish with the stars

I swear, the night tastes different to each.

Remember

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When I wake tomorrow

I won’t remember

The way you smiled

At the sight of me

Or the sound of your laughter

When I stumbled

With two left feet

But I want to remember

The way your hands felt in mine

Perfectly entwined

Cold and warm

Fire and ice

Drawn to each other

No matter what

The smell of soap and you

Lingers with me

But

For how long?

Before I start to forget

How warm your hugs felt

Against the cool sea breeze

What about the sand between my toes?

Or the sprays of salty water on my face?

Your kiss was sweet

Like raspberries, blueberries, blackberries

Like succulent strawberries

With every bite

Juice escaped my mouth and flowed down my chin

When we danced

To our own melody

And our own moves

I never want to forget

How in synch we were

And our bodies fit perfectly

Without fault

And all I wanted was to be closer

And all you wanted to be was closer

Under the pinpricks we called dreams

That lit the night sky

We pointed out our fears

In whispers

Only for our hearts to hear

And I remember

How your breathing leveled

And I tried to match every movement

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

Till I was sure we were breathing the same air

And as the sun peaks through the clouds

I squint

Try and shield my eyes

I don’t want to forget

What I wasn’t supposed to forget

Yet here I am alone

Wondering what I was supposed to remember

Lungs

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He’s always slept within my chest
And I swear he knows the symmetry of my lungs better than I
So how
Can you
Expect
Me
To
Breathe?
 
I can’t remember the last time I never felt
Him
Clawing at my insides
And I don’t remember when I didn’t feel the room closing in
Walls pulling in
Chest heaving
Like no marathon could ever accomplish
He steals all my oxygen
Taking two large hands
Wrapping them around my lungs
And pushing
 
Two lovers could never cover the distance to one another
The way my lungs do
 
Remind me
What it feels like to voice out opinions
Celebrate with strangers
Putting all insecurities aside
Tell me
Does your brain
Take the backseat
And let you drive
With no
Destination
In
Mind?
 
Teach me
How
Not
To
Wake
Up
At
Night
Staring
Into the dark
Allowing the eyes to adjust to the loneliness that is this life
Because it’s just easier to feel safer in the warmth of my own arms then to spread them for someone else
 
I know not how not to feel this way
And no amount of breathing exercises
Or the rhythm from
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Can slow this erratic heart
 
I want the fun wrapped inside outgoing
And the hurt in opening up
I want the power to light up the room like no bulb ever possessed the courage to
And break away the barriers that cement themselves stronger everyday
 
These conversations lose eye contact
With voices so low and afraid
And hands shaking and bathing in the sweat of the unsure
 
This mind runs on fuel that never ends
Thoughts going a thousand miles per second
Analysis over analysis over analysis
 
I wish the crowds did not suffocate me
That public places did not scare me
And that the future does not eradicate me.