Things I Will Never Tell You #3

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Nowadays, it is almost like whatever i do or whichever decision i take, you are never happy with it.

Unless i ask for your advice, please refrain from giving it to me. Because while you may mean to explain and teach, you actually become really mean. Obnoxious. And i start doubting myself.

I shouldn’t have to explain everything to you. I am not a pushover. Stop insinuating that i am. I know exactly what is happening and i just to react the way i do. My decision. Because i want to keep the peace. Me.

You make it really difficult, though. It’s like throwing lighter fluid on a flame. You look for excuses to make issues and fight. Granted, some one else is creating issues, but i seriously don’t need you to demean me and prove to me how stupid i am for trusting and letting people walk over me.

I want to make peace. Create it and keep it. Preserve it for tomorrow’s war. Just so that when i uncap the bottle, every particle of peace comes flowing out and nothing can ignite the destruction that would have unfolded otherwise.

You make me feel pathetic. And trust me, it is the worst feeling in the world. Broken and scathed. Singing : “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Don’t you get it, this was exactly what made me keep people at arms length. Close enough, yet not close at all.

I’m guessing, you just don’t like the fact that i play Switzerland half the time.

Things I Will Never Tell You #2

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There came a time in my life

A realization after all 18 years

Fairytale endings

Do not exist

Pessimistic

I am not

But reality has always knocked on my door

With a resonating echo

Happiness

Does not stay forever

She, like any guest takes her leave

Never overstaying her welcome

That first crush

Was cruel and pathetic

Made you hate him

But somehow never leaves your mind

It was never supposed to be like this

Wanting to inflict pain

But scared

At the thought of it

Intoxicated on life

Is what I want

So out of it

That nothing makes sense

Smaller finer details

Scream out

Pinpricks on your body

For ignoring far too long

Laugh

Till your insides hurt

And your eyes start to water

Hiding the real truth behind your tears

The stars

Litter and glitter the sky

Arms distance away

Yet so far away

Metamorphosis

Of sorts takes place

Where my wings are brighter

And full of life

The winds howl

Blow up against my car

Smacking and smacking

Trying to finish things off

In that moment

I want to give up

Rest my head against the dashboard

And hear the sounds of destruction

Sleep it off

Close your eyes

To the rest of the world

And ignore

He talked to me that day

As if his words of hurt

No longer existed

Completely forgotten

But as his lips moved

Saying something

All I heard

His ridicule of yesterday